Failure

One of my teachers yelled this at me the other at the end of my exam:

You should be ashamed of showing such a very bad work like this! I can’t even believe that you actually really thought it was worth for me to read it! You can not study! You are not made for any kind of studies! Knowledge is nothing you will ever have! You should NEVER be a teacher because you think you’re better than others but you’re nothing much than a thief! You probably stole a part of the work to one of the most brilliant student in the class and you really thought I won’t see it? Shame on you! I don’t want to hear anything from you, not even your name, anymore!

Yes. A teacher. You probably think that he said that to make me feel bad. You know what? It’s a success… I’m destroyed.

I don’t think I can actually have my grade. It was my very last one, the only one to not fail at. And he decided that I should fail and do another whole last year one more time.

No. I give up. He won. Again. Like all the others. He won, I don’t want that anymore… And my heart is broken because I’m a failure.

By the way, I’m not a thief. I don’t need anyone to give me anything to prove that I can do (shitty) things bby myself. And I actually don’t know the people in my class because they don’t talk to me and I don’t look after them. Anyway…

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A call to the world… Help me keep believing

I’m thinking about what happened yesterday. I thought about it all day long. I didn’t sleep that much. I feel so lost… I don’t know what to do…

I can’t believe some people agreed with how the police beat us and send our friend to the hospital. I can’t believe people are still believing in that police who’s supposed to protect us from the fascists and extremists. They fucking beat young ant-fascits students because we were just there to say no to ALL the extremists. I mean, how people can allow them to beat their children when we, the children, are trying to awake the fucking world?! How is it just fucking imaginable?!

I heard that the police could complain against all of us for rebellion. We can have from fines to convictions. And this is the usual method that cops use now to turn a victim of police’s violence into guilty of rebellion. I think the cops are over using their power and this is no more their job they’re doing. This is pure repression and violence for the elite.

I’m going to tell you what I did today. I went to the city center of Brussels for some shopping with my sister. First thing, I refused to take any underground public transports. So we stayed outside. Second thing, whenever I saw cops or police cars or heard them, my heart started to beat very quickly and my eyes were looking everywhere to find them. I felt so insecure! I was scared to find those cops behind me trying to get me one more time. I didn’t enjoy my time there. Worst: my sister had to take my fucking hand because she felt me in distress and she tried to calm me down. It works a bit but now, I don’t want to go out unless it’s really necessary.

I’m hopeless now. I feel like the cops are going to win one more time and just have everything for them while we’re all going to feel that anger growing in us. I feel  like I’m so fucked and maybe, this whole “revolution” thing is just a lie, a fucking toy the 1% of this world made to let us play with as they keep sucking our blood, sweat, tears and money out of us. I feel like my energy is already empty and none in this world really wants to move and change stuff.

I’m hopeless. So hopeless.

I’d like to ask for help but who can help us? Who can help me? My faith in this world exploded yesterday in jail. Everything I saw and heard made me feel bad, worst than what I expected. And the very worst of all is that I don’t know who/what can help me.

Maybe the Anon family could but there’re way much more interesting and useful actions to take that I won’t ask them. The “usual” way of nongovernmental organizations always takes so much time.

I want the cops to know that this time, that was enough. That was the last time. And now, they have to pay. Help me. Please. Help me…

Lady of Flesh

Here are some of the pictures I took. Use them, share them.

Things in my Life

Hello everyone, I’m finally back after a very long time of absence.  I had a lot of things going weirdly in my life lately and didn’t get the time to share it here. I’ve to admit that I missed to post on this blog.

Right now, I’m at the end of my final exam session. Tomorrow, I’ll have my History exam and this is the last but certainly not least exam of my whole three years of studies. But I won’t get my diploma on June the 20th like all the others. Unfortunately, my teachers made me fail at my work experiences of the year. And this is one of my major classes, the most important. So, I’ll have to present and do another work experience in November and get graduated in January. Does it suck? Yes. Totally.

Having a long distance relationship really killed me. I thought it’d be quiet easy but absolutely not. However I’m still with my boyfriend but, I don’t know how to explain it but I feel that I don’t want to waste anytime in “searching” someone. I feel my boyfriend is the good one, the only one, even if we know each other since a few (long) months. If we can’t really know someone even in years of relationships, I think I can just trust him and build my life with him. At 23 years, I feel too much old, I need to have my life and I need him by my side. I’m hoping to be happy with him but I know I’ll be.

Last Saturday the 9th, I went to the global protestation against ACTA in Brussels. That was incredibly nice for me because I was with those few awesome people I met on the 12th of May during the Global Change/Indignados protest. Now, I know I can go on demonstration with good, nice and very kind people who think like me and act the same. That’s awesome to feel like a part of something I truly believe in.

This summer, I hope it’s going to be my best summer ever. I’ve two different plans. The first is to go on holyday with my parents from July the 7th to August the 18th in Morocco. Sunbathing, beach, museums, travels and initiation to some “extreme” sports are planned. The second plan is to get a house with my boyfriend and just live together with probably a No Border camp in Germany, as an Occupy Koln and Dusseldorf.  One or the other, both are going to fulfill my heart with happiness.

Those last few months were really hard and stressed but with lots of support, love and smiles around me, I didn’t left everything over, I kept working and fighting. Yes, I failed at some things but I successfully achieved others+ and I’m glad.

Today, I feel really happy, pretty proud and full of hope for my future.

Cheers, Lady of Flesh

Welcome back

Hello everyone.

I didn’t find the time to come over here and continue to share my thoughts with you for a very simple reason. I didn’t have any time to think about my thoughts. Time… Sometimes so long and sometimes not enough.

I had something like a month where time was really precious and rare to me. I had so many things to do and not enough with 24 hours in a day. I tried to find more time here and there by reducing my sleep and wasting less time on the Internet. But even with those adjustments it was difficult to finish everything I had to.

After several days without sleeping and more days with a high level of stress and anxiety, I literally blow a fuse. I was totally crazy. And that’s when I started to think about myself and my life. I know, I shouldn’t try to analyze my existence when I’m already in a very bad mood + tired + stressed + *put anything else here*… But it came by itself. A few things changed then.

My more than 2 years relationship ended. I realized that person wasn’t good for me but I believe he’ll be awesome for somebody else. It was hard to find out I wasn’t loving him anymore. The only reason why I stayed with him was that I didn’t want to hurt him, to make him sad. But after all, I had to think about myself and the best thing for me was to leave and focus on my needs.

Besides that, someone else is currently making my heart beat and I hope things to stay as fine as it is now.

My studies make me feel like I’m in prison. I can’t be myself if I’m a part of a system I don’t believe in anymore. The point now is to finish them (only a few months left) and then to find the way to act with all the things I learned. I mean that I can’t let this system fucks some kids just because they are not living on the right places, the good places. With all my knowledge build during the last 3 years, I want and need to help the left down. I won’t be a part of the system but a part of the revolution to create another system, a better one. Just let me dream it’s possible.

My feelings about the world are everyday more disturbed. Every new video I watch, every news I read, every people I meet, everything is making me feel that the world really needs to change. And I believe so deeply that we are the change. We, the people, should do something, should everything to re-build this world. Because it could be wonderful and safe for everyone if only the few ones over our head could leave and let us do…

My mind is open again. I love to think and analyze everything. I need to talk and most of all I need to have lots of feedback about everything I hear, read and know. I have more time now for myself so I’ll do my best to keep building my own knowledge and try to find more people to talk with 🙂

Cheers, Lady of Flesh

#OpBelgium #StopACTA

Hi everyone!
For once, I wanted to do a video-blog but I couldn’t because I lost my voice… again.

Today was a massive day for every freedom fighter like me because many demonstrations were programming everywhere in Europe against the disgusting ACTA project. Did I just say “project”? God, it’s not a project anymore! They voted it. Who? I don’t know, the people who voted it, worked on it and passed it ARE NOT PEOPLE I VOTED TO FOR THE EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT!!! And that’s why everything about ACTA is more dangerous and disgusting than any other law.
Is it the end of that so-called “democracy” they tried to spread in ever country they “visited”? Because it doesn’t look like democracy anymore. Europe is a fucking non-sense when it’s about having the general laws for the 27. Well, to be honest, the only good side of Europe is : one money, no more change when I travel and Euromilion. THAT’S IT!
The parliament is just a bunch of assholes full of the money the lobbies gave them to shut it up and sign everything. I’m just totally crazy when I hear “ACTA is good for artists” because fuck no, it’s not! The labels is gonna get more money and the artists won’t be able to spreak their art across the Internet, as long as it’s censored and übber-watched over! What about the generic drugs? What about the seeds that can feed THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD? What about MY freedom to read, write, listen and share anything I want and find more useful than the bullshits on TV?

I’m scared. I’m really scared to see this world becoming completely blind and live another black period in history. In Middle Age, churches censored every Antic document. The idea was that for a better world – in the point of view of the religion it meant a world where God was above everything and everyone – people should be ignorant and just follow the priests and the Bible. Sciences were totally forbidden. Innovation too, obviously. The darkest part of the Middle Age was the craziest period of the humanity. Can you imagine how people were blind and stupid that time? Can you imagine a world where a minority of assholes decides everything, absolutely EVERYTHING, for you because they don’t even consider you like human? I don’t want to live that.

I refuse to live that today. My freedom is way much more important than anything else because so many people died and fought for our freedom. Not only in 1789 during the French Revolution but everywhere… In 1786 in the US, people decided to be free. And recently, in Egypt, Tunisia, Yemen, Syria, Morocco and Algeria people are still fighting for their freedom. Are you going to stay at home, in front of your screen, while the “governments” are fucking your basic freedoms? Freedom of speech is a Human Right! NONE CAN TAKE IT FROM US UNLESS WE LET THEM DO!!

And I don’t. Fighting is everything I can do. And I will fight!

Here you have some pictures from the Stop ACTA protest in Brussels, this 28th of Jan. so you know in the Belgian laws covering your face with a mask is forbidden. As you can see, we didn’t really give a fuck about it today…

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World

I don’t know for you but I am a huge Internet user. I like to read random articles, keep my culture updated and watch videos. I share opinions and write my thoughts. I like to be free to do that. I like to be able to find anything I need by some clicks. I’m not talking about legal/illegal download. But just read an article; find a resource for a lesson, etc.

I like to be aware of what’s happening in my city, country and world. I am curious to see what my leaders are doing for me, as a citizen. This is the point of democracy. To keep an eye on the people I voted for. Stop me if I am wrong… Right. I learned at school that, as citizen of a democratic country, we can ask our leaders what they are doing, what they are working on and what they plan for our future. That is basically why we vote for them. Just a little precision: in Belgium, voting is obligatory for every citizen of 18+. So, I vote for my leaders. I am not so naïve. I know this is all political bullshit. But let’s do like everything was crystal clear, normal and true.

So can anybody tell me why my leaders worked on a very bad law? Why do they try to keep that secret until the day the citizens won’t be able to do anything against it? I learned we were a democratic nation and because of that everything should be done to respect the Human Rights. The Human Rights guarantee freedom for every one of us. Making stupid laws who cut our freedom in any way are against the Human Rights. And they are the foundation of (most of) our nations!

I feel so revolted when I see something like ACTA. It’s a global European law that will touch the whole world because it is all about the “counterfeit” and how to stop them. In theory, it sounds really nice because you think that every owner of a copyrighted idea, song, music, movie or anything else like a medicine, a new machine or anything will touch what he deserves for it.  In facts, this is just the way the lobbies found to keep their money from illegal download, stop the creation by sharing ideas and watch over EVERYBODY. The ISP (Internet Service Providers) would be able to watch over everything we do on the internet which means: what we share, videos we watch, emails we send and receive, phone conversations, social networks we use, personal bank information and many other domains. It would be like being in jail. That is all.

I don’t want to be a prisoner of this world that I love. Of course, there are a lot of unfair things. But I love how the world is today. And I only wish it could be better for everyone! I’m not selfish, I care about people. And ACTA is totally against us. Can you imagine a world where only people with money would do whatever they want? Can you allow this happen to you and your children? I am sorry if you do. Because I can’t let this happen! Freedom is running in my veins. And if revolution is the only to stay free, I am already in.

Sometimes, I wish things to turn like in the movie V For Vendetta. Because this movie inspired me so much… And I know it inspires other too.

You don’t want to be a slave? Find someone, go out in the street, and march. March for YOUR freedom. March and never let everything down. You are not alone. There is a Legion who doesn’t Forgive, who doesn’t Forget. Expect them.

Take care and open your eyes.

Cheers, Lady of Flesh