One of my teachers yelled this at me the other at the end of my exam:
You should be ashamed of showing such a very bad work like this! I can’t even believe that you actually really thought it was worth for me to read it! You can not study! You are not made for any kind of studies! Knowledge is nothing you will ever have! You should NEVER be a teacher because you think you’re better than others but you’re nothing much than a thief! You probably stole a part of the work to one of the most brilliant student in the class and you really thought I won’t see it? Shame on you! I don’t want to hear anything from you, not even your name, anymore!
Yes. A teacher. You probably think that he said that to make me feel bad. You know what? It’s a success… I’m destroyed.
I don’t think I can actually have my grade. It was my very last one, the only one to not fail at. And he decided that I should fail and do another whole last year one more time.
No. I give up. He won. Again. Like all the others. He won, I don’t want that anymore… And my heart is broken because I’m a failure.
By the way, I’m not a thief. I don’t need anyone to give me anything to prove that I can do (shitty) things bby myself. And I actually don’t know the people in my class because they don’t talk to me and I don’t look after them. Anyway…
It’s time for my “winter” exams. Two weeks of bullshit and hypocrisy to try to success those ones. If I do, I’ll be a little more closer from my dreams!
I say bullshit and hypocrisy because, basically, if you want to success, you have to say what your teacher wants to hear. Even if he said “think about this and tell me what your personal opinion is”, it’s clearly the kind of situation where you better have to shut your thoughts up and say whatever the teacher is going to appreciate. Even if you set against it. So what’s the point about those exams? How is it going to help me if I can’t tell my real opinion? Of course, I already tried to do that. I was telling to myself “you have to be honest, not for the teacher but for yourself, it’s not good to lie and you don’t like to lie so say what you really think”. Big mistake ever… The teacher didn’t appreciate and I had to pass the same exam three times before I got it!
Here are my different classes for this session:
_ Professional ethics (maybe a good 15/20))
_ Learning’s differentiations – practice (between 16-18/20!)
_ Art and Culture (presentation with classmates, I hope a 14-16/20)
_ Elaboration of the professional project (I’ll try the 18-19/20, I can do it for this one)
_ Greatest educational currents (I need a 12/20… I can’t do better)
_ Learning’s differentiations – theory (same, 12/20, can’t do better)
I just hope everything is going to be fine. I’m dying because of stress and anxiety… Last year, I have to do my best!