One minute to look behind

I never knew, one year ago, that everything I was living then would make me stronger today. Of course, I’m not perfect and still complain about some things but I noticed that a lot of other things are easier for me to deal with.

For example, I’m not so afraid of the authority today as I was one year ago. I still think that Authorities (Govs, police, etc.) aren’t good for us and will do whatever it takes to make their order work but I know now that if we want to defeat them, we have other roads to use than go in the streets and throws stones on them.

I was sure I would never feel better in my personal life after what happened with my last relationship. It looks pretty pointless for some and it really stucked me in a place I hated to be. Now I’m moving forword (finally!). And I’ll never ever do the sames mistakes ever again.

I’m finishing my studies and I hope I’ll be graduated in late August. Now I’m ready to end this up and begin a new chapter in my professional life. Actually I’m ready to begin my professionnal life… I know what I want to do and I’ll do anything to achieve my goals. It’ll take time but everything I did before will help me.

There is one phrase that come to me at this point : what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I don’t pretend to be stronger but at least, I learned from my past and I can move forward.

To all the people who hurt me, I want to thank them in a way. Because I can stand and walk again. And I’m wiser, too 😉

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Holyday

Hello dear friends!

This is a little message to tell you that I’ll be on holyday from tonight to August the 18th ! I’m going to Morocco and you know what ? I’ll enjoy my time like I never did !

Morocco is beautiful. Morocco is wonderful. I always feel my head ans spirit having some peace when I’m there. Sun. People. Other life. I love that.

The only things that I’ll miss are : obviously my boyfriend, high speed wifi hot spots haha and messaging my friends.

But I’ll have beach everyday, nights out, visiting places and seeing my family there.

To end this blog, I wish you all to have great times this summer ! Enjoy your time, smile everyday and wish the best to everyone so the best can happen to you too =)

Much much love, my friends ❤

Lady of Flesh

To-Do list

I use to forget what I’d like to do unless I write it somewhere and of course don’t forget to check it out to remember…

That’s why I always have a little note book and a pen in with me. I write my thoughts, ideas, numbers if needed, addresses, meetings and all the things I’ve to do.

My to-do list is always quiet funny, for me at least… 😉

– Get train ticket to see my boyfriend

– Hairdresser ASAP

– New swimsuit (check Hot Topic)

– Ask for a new credit card

– Anti-fascism protest Sunday (possibilities of riots and fight, get prepared, don’t forget first help box)

– Try to do some vlogs instead of blogs

– Buy a new camera

– New shoes (Vans slip on original)

– New coffee machine for mom

– Call the doctor (but for what…? Don’t remember…)

– Nail polish in black, gold, pastel brown, burgundy

– Get enough easy makeup shits for summer

– Buy a new big luggage

– Get my driving license ASAP

This is just a few examples and that makes me laugh =)

Cheers, Lady of Flesh

Things in my Life

Hello everyone, I’m finally back after a very long time of absence.  I had a lot of things going weirdly in my life lately and didn’t get the time to share it here. I’ve to admit that I missed to post on this blog.

Right now, I’m at the end of my final exam session. Tomorrow, I’ll have my History exam and this is the last but certainly not least exam of my whole three years of studies. But I won’t get my diploma on June the 20th like all the others. Unfortunately, my teachers made me fail at my work experiences of the year. And this is one of my major classes, the most important. So, I’ll have to present and do another work experience in November and get graduated in January. Does it suck? Yes. Totally.

Having a long distance relationship really killed me. I thought it’d be quiet easy but absolutely not. However I’m still with my boyfriend but, I don’t know how to explain it but I feel that I don’t want to waste anytime in “searching” someone. I feel my boyfriend is the good one, the only one, even if we know each other since a few (long) months. If we can’t really know someone even in years of relationships, I think I can just trust him and build my life with him. At 23 years, I feel too much old, I need to have my life and I need him by my side. I’m hoping to be happy with him but I know I’ll be.

Last Saturday the 9th, I went to the global protestation against ACTA in Brussels. That was incredibly nice for me because I was with those few awesome people I met on the 12th of May during the Global Change/Indignados protest. Now, I know I can go on demonstration with good, nice and very kind people who think like me and act the same. That’s awesome to feel like a part of something I truly believe in.

This summer, I hope it’s going to be my best summer ever. I’ve two different plans. The first is to go on holyday with my parents from July the 7th to August the 18th in Morocco. Sunbathing, beach, museums, travels and initiation to some “extreme” sports are planned. The second plan is to get a house with my boyfriend and just live together with probably a No Border camp in Germany, as an Occupy Koln and Dusseldorf.  One or the other, both are going to fulfill my heart with happiness.

Those last few months were really hard and stressed but with lots of support, love and smiles around me, I didn’t left everything over, I kept working and fighting. Yes, I failed at some things but I successfully achieved others+ and I’m glad.

Today, I feel really happy, pretty proud and full of hope for my future.

Cheers, Lady of Flesh

Welcome back

Hello everyone.

I didn’t find the time to come over here and continue to share my thoughts with you for a very simple reason. I didn’t have any time to think about my thoughts. Time… Sometimes so long and sometimes not enough.

I had something like a month where time was really precious and rare to me. I had so many things to do and not enough with 24 hours in a day. I tried to find more time here and there by reducing my sleep and wasting less time on the Internet. But even with those adjustments it was difficult to finish everything I had to.

After several days without sleeping and more days with a high level of stress and anxiety, I literally blow a fuse. I was totally crazy. And that’s when I started to think about myself and my life. I know, I shouldn’t try to analyze my existence when I’m already in a very bad mood + tired + stressed + *put anything else here*… But it came by itself. A few things changed then.

My more than 2 years relationship ended. I realized that person wasn’t good for me but I believe he’ll be awesome for somebody else. It was hard to find out I wasn’t loving him anymore. The only reason why I stayed with him was that I didn’t want to hurt him, to make him sad. But after all, I had to think about myself and the best thing for me was to leave and focus on my needs.

Besides that, someone else is currently making my heart beat and I hope things to stay as fine as it is now.

My studies make me feel like I’m in prison. I can’t be myself if I’m a part of a system I don’t believe in anymore. The point now is to finish them (only a few months left) and then to find the way to act with all the things I learned. I mean that I can’t let this system fucks some kids just because they are not living on the right places, the good places. With all my knowledge build during the last 3 years, I want and need to help the left down. I won’t be a part of the system but a part of the revolution to create another system, a better one. Just let me dream it’s possible.

My feelings about the world are everyday more disturbed. Every new video I watch, every news I read, every people I meet, everything is making me feel that the world really needs to change. And I believe so deeply that we are the change. We, the people, should do something, should everything to re-build this world. Because it could be wonderful and safe for everyone if only the few ones over our head could leave and let us do…

My mind is open again. I love to think and analyze everything. I need to talk and most of all I need to have lots of feedback about everything I hear, read and know. I have more time now for myself so I’ll do my best to keep building my own knowledge and try to find more people to talk with 🙂

Cheers, Lady of Flesh