I remember the last time I saw you. It was near the music store. It was in winter. The snow was falling down and the way you look mesmerized me.
You were finishing your cigarette before going inside the shop. I tried to watch you, stare at you as much as possible. My brain wasn’t working anymore. None of my thoughts were rational anymore.
You wore a black studded leather jacket, a black skirt, black and white stripes panty, and rider boots. You looked so punkish and rebel. Your pretty face was delicate but I feel your dark thoughts painted in your dark lined eyes. You had a red scarf. The only color on you…
You finished your cigarette and got in the shop. I waited a few seconds but it looks like ages for me. I followed you. I tried to stay away from you, to not risk scaring you. You were checking some guitars. Your attention was totally on the guitars… You were so beautiful…
Every time you looked on my direction, I hid behind anything, anyone. I was impressed by you. And, yes, a little bit afraid. I wasn’t the kind of guy you would meet and hang out with so easily. You were way much more charismatic.
You tried a guitar. The sounds you made were easy but powerful. I recognized the rhythm. I knew that song. You played it a long time. People starred at you but you were on your own, doing what you like whatever people said. You played that song and I saw on your face that you didn’t choose that song for nothing. You were living it. Your whole body was sweating the feelings of that song.
I didn’t hide anymore. I tried to get closer to you. I walked between people. They didn’t let me go closer. But I had to come! I had to be close to you right now. The song was near the end… I wanted you to see me!
You finished the song, said to the seller you wanted to buy that guitar immediately, and you ran in the shop. I hate music stores because there’re all so big! I tried to see you. You disappeared… You ran away…
I walked between guitars, drum sets, pianos, amplifiers and accessories… You weren’t there. I walked up stairs, down stairs. Nothing. I lost you.
Holding my thoughts and memories, I got out of the shop. I was already planning to wait in front of the shop to see you one more time. Even if it was freezing and snowing outside. You were in my mind since months, since that show where you almost felt on me. You looked at me. Not a word came out of your cute mouth. No “sorry”, no “thanks”. Nothing. But your eyes were so expressive! So many things are hidden inside of you and all the black you were should be for a reason, but I’m sure you are not as strong as you want people to see you. You look like ice but inside, you’re just a lovely and fragile flower. The walls you build are supposed to protect you. Your eyes were like windows where I took a look and saw that.
But maybe I’m wrong… I don’t know you but you ruined my head…
Suddenly, you stopped me at the doors of the shop. You were outside. You were so close to me, a heartbeat from me! Your eyes were fixed on mine. No smile, no trace of happiness or anger. You slowly said “I know you follow me since the show”. My breath went away. I couldn’t find anything to answer you. You continued by saying “I don’t know why you do that but I like the way you look at me… You seem to respect me for what I am”. I finally moved my lips to tell you “I respect you. I don’t judge. I’m just a man.”
You smiled. Your smile burnt my heart. I wanted to hold you so bad. You walked away. I don’t why, again, I followed you. You asked “Are you going to follow me in silence or do you want to go for a drink with me?” No smile this time. I said “Let’s go for a drink”. I was pretty shy beside you. You lighted another cigarette. I don’t know why you looked way much older with it and used by life. Tiredness and maybe desperation were drawn on you.
We went into a little bar, you asked for drinks and we began to drink. You were not talking that much. I wasn’t feeling good but awkward. Your look at me was two knives driving in my direction. Even alcohol didn’t help me. I finally feel bad enough to take my stuff and go out, run out of this little dark place. You didn’t stop me. You didn’t even look at me!
But your face, your eyes were still on my mind! I was obsessed by you. I was a little bit drunk. The world wasn’t real. People weren’t there. There was only you. You. You! You? You followed me… No smile, no happiness. Are your eyes always so expressive but the rest of your face so empty?
You came close enough to whisper to me. You first kissed me. It was a long, quiet, sweet and weird kiss. It was good and scary in the same time. My heart was about to break. You didn’t show if you feel anything. I was sure my face was full of conflicting feelings. You took your red scarf and put it around my neck, gently. You whispered “Are you afraid?” My head said yes. Yes, I was scared. But I was attracted by you anyway. You continued whispering…”Go away and never follow me again…”
You put something in my hand. I don’t why, I feel like something really bad would happen if I didn’t run away from you. My legs moved. My body turned. I ran away from you. But my heart was screaming…
I woke up in my bed. I didn’t remember how I get back home… My clothes were wet because of the snow. My head was melting. I tried to get up but a violent headache put me back in bed. I tried to hold it with my hands. I got something in it…
A piece of paper. It was written “I poisoned you. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Don’t follow me anymore. You’re stuck on my mind since the show… Don’t follow me.”
My other hand held something else… The red scarf… Her perfume was on it…
I hid myself under my blanket and closed my eyes. Maybe I cried. Maybe I just felt asleep. I held the message and the scarf and dreamed about you. My Poison.
Lady of Flesh 