Failure

One of my teachers yelled this at me the other at the end of my exam:

You should be ashamed of showing such a very bad work like this! I can’t even believe that you actually really thought it was worth for me to read it! You can not study! You are not made for any kind of studies! Knowledge is nothing you will ever have! You should NEVER be a teacher because you think you’re better than others but you’re nothing much than a thief! You probably stole a part of the work to one of the most brilliant student in the class and you really thought I won’t see it? Shame on you! I don’t want to hear anything from you, not even your name, anymore!

Yes. A teacher. You probably think that he said that to make me feel bad. You know what? It’s a success… I’m destroyed.

I don’t think I can actually have my grade. It was my very last one, the only one to not fail at. And he decided that I should fail and do another whole last year one more time.

No. I give up. He won. Again. Like all the others. He won, I don’t want that anymore… And my heart is broken because I’m a failure.

By the way, I’m not a thief. I don’t need anyone to give me anything to prove that I can do (shitty) things bby myself. And I actually don’t know the people in my class because they don’t talk to me and I don’t look after them. Anyway…

Advertisements

Exam – A little taste of hell…

It’s time for my “winter” exams. Two weeks of bullshit and hypocrisy to try to success those ones. If I do, I’ll be a little more closer from my dreams!
I say bullshit and hypocrisy because, basically, if you want to success, you have to say what your teacher wants to hear. Even if he said “think about this and tell me what your personal opinion is”, it’s clearly the kind of situation where you better have to shut your thoughts up and say whatever the teacher is going to appreciate. Even if you set against it. So what’s the point about those exams? How is it going to help me if I can’t tell my real opinion? Of course, I already tried to do that. I was telling to myself “you have to be honest, not for the teacher but for yourself, it’s not good to lie and you don’t like to lie so say what you really think”. Big mistake ever… The teacher didn’t appreciate and I had to pass the same exam three times before I got it!
Here are my different classes for this session:
_ Professional ethics (maybe a good 15/20))
_ Learning’s differentiations – practice (between 16-18/20!)
_ Art and Culture (presentation with classmates, I hope a 14-16/20)
_ Elaboration of the professional project (I’ll try the 18-19/20, I can do it for this one)
_ Greatest educational currents (I need a 12/20… I can’t do better)
_ Learning’s differentiations – theory (same, 12/20, can’t do better)
I just hope everything is going to be fine. I’m dying because of stress and anxiety… Last year, I have to do my best!

Cheers, Lady of Flesh

Education

So, I’m a student… In case you didn’t notice it… And I’ll have my first exam session of this last year of study for me in January. By the way, I’m studying history, geography and sociology to be a teacher for kids between 12 and 15 in those 3 classes. Well, that’s what my graduation is going to say. Because I’m not going to teach next September.

People always ask me why I study something I’m not going to work in. That’s a good question. And I’ll try to answer it here. It’s actually very simple. I used to make my choices in regards to my situation, without really thinking about the future. When I feel something is good for me at a point, I make the choice to go for it and if 6 months later I find out it wasn’t a good choice, I change my mind and find something else. Simple. Not smart at all, I agree. But it’s the only way I found to keep hoping and living.

Teaching seems to be an amazing thing. Imagine, you can share your experiences with kids and help them to make the better choices for them and for the others. You can teach them good values like respect, tolerance and sharing. You can also teach them the “truth”, especially with history, so they won’t make the same mistakes again and again.

I don’t know where you live, dear reader, but here the system is definitely fucked up. You can’t be better if you’re not in a good school, in the better ones. And you are a teacher in secondary school, let’s be honest: it’s too late. Too late to make them understand they can do whatever they want if only they take time to study, work, read and visit places! Cause that the curse of our lives: ignorance. They ignore how smart they can be.

And that’s exactly what the system wants them to think, feel and repeat. It needs to have people without a good education so they can keep doing their bad things and shitty reforms. It needs them to be as strong as ever. I really think that if everyone had the opportunity to learn how to be critical about what our leaders do, we won’t be in this kind of world, so selfish.

And I had to be in my last year of study to understand that. I feel like I waste my time. But I have other goals now. My diploma could help, in a way. And if anything wrong happened, at least, I know education will ALWAYS need teachers.

Cheers, Lady of Flesh