I didn’t find the time to come over here and continue to share my thoughts with you for a very simple reason. I didn’t have any time to think about my thoughts. Time… Sometimes so long and sometimes not enough.
I had something like a month where time was really precious and rare to me. I had so many things to do and not enough with 24 hours in a day. I tried to find more time here and there by reducing my sleep and wasting less time on the Internet. But even with those adjustments it was difficult to finish everything I had to.
After several days without sleeping and more days with a high level of stress and anxiety, I literally blow a fuse. I was totally crazy. And that’s when I started to think about myself and my life. I know, I shouldn’t try to analyze my existence when I’m already in a very bad mood + tired + stressed + *put anything else here*… But it came by itself. A few things changed then.
My more than 2 years relationship ended. I realized that person wasn’t good for me but I believe he’ll be awesome for somebody else. It was hard to find out I wasn’t loving him anymore. The only reason why I stayed with him was that I didn’t want to hurt him, to make him sad. But after all, I had to think about myself and the best thing for me was to leave and focus on my needs.
Besides that, someone else is currently making my heart beat and I hope things to stay as fine as it is now.
My studies make me feel like I’m in prison. I can’t be myself if I’m a part of a system I don’t believe in anymore. The point now is to finish them (only a few months left) and then to find the way to act with all the things I learned. I mean that I can’t let this system fucks some kids just because they are not living on the right places, the good places. With all my knowledge build during the last 3 years, I want and need to help the left down. I won’t be a part of the system but a part of the revolution to create another system, a better one. Just let me dream it’s possible.
My feelings about the world are everyday more disturbed. Every new video I watch, every news I read, every people I meet, everything is making me feel that the world really needs to change. And I believe so deeply that we are the change. We, the people, should do something, should everything to re-build this world. Because it could be wonderful and safe for everyone if only the few ones over our head could leave and let us do…
My mind is open again. I love to think and analyze everything. I need to talk and most of all I need to have lots of feedback about everything I hear, read and know. I have more time now for myself so I’ll do my best to keep building my own knowledge and try to find more people to talk with 🙂
Cheers, Lady of Flesh